Fanny Pack Crime Against Humanity

What we have here is an utter fanny pack failure. Everyone knows that in extreme humidity, at least 3 layers should be kept between your fanny pack and your "family pack." For exposure of a hairy man's midsection, 400 points must also be deducted from your total score. For making your fanny pack appear to be a speedo-fanny-pack-hybrid, you are hereby disqualified from the competition and will no longer be recognized as a member of the Fanny Pack Society. While we support the lowering of greenhouse gas emissions, we do not support the lowering of waistbands to greater than 2 inches below the naval for men over the age of 40 with a hair to skin ratio greater than 4:5. Despite your wife's fetching sense of style and wardrobe, she cannot make up for your overwhelming setbacks. A restraining order has been placed against you in 46 states that further restricts you from wearing fanny packs in public. Please respect the pack.

ugly fanny pack

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